What do you intend to do with phpBB Team Members once the new regime has been placed?
- Barack O'Bertie: They will continue to operate, however, at threat of immanent death, they will increase productivity to 350%.
- Lyndon Bertie Johnson: Once in power, we would direct a fair bit of our attention toward rejuvenating the phpBB.com Team members, and making them more efficient. This means not only a group-trip to the Mac Store and a one-month subscription to How to Be a Ninja, but automation in all aspects of their work. - The Mod and Support Teams will see the addition of several new tools in their arsenal, including that of semi-automatic Bansticks? and Spring-loaded canned responses; the Development Team, life-like replacement robots for their person in real-life (with which once given, have no excuse to be away from their computer-reaching towards perfection in Ascraeus).
Bertie Mons has been incredibly split recently, and there is legitimate fear that if one of you is elected, members of other parties may attempt to form a rebellion. What would you do to prevent this from happening?
- Barack O'Bertie: Assuming I am elected, the other candidates, with the exception of Albertie, will be terminated.
- Lyndon Bertie Johnson: We have ways of dealing with rebellion.. If persuasion by Cookie isn't enough, we can always fall back on the /slap_fish++ method. And, if for some strange reason that still doesn't work, we'll call their moms. End of story.
What would you do to revise Bertie Mons' complicated tax system, and how would this affect the citizens of Bertie Mons?
- Barack O'Bertie: It would be simple. Everyone would give all their income to the government, and the government would distribute it evenly (minus the significant sum to be kept by them)
- Lyndon Bertie Johnson: We will eliminate all Tax, and replace it with one, dual-provision: Because our community and the Government of Olympus Mons is all but entirely volunteer based, with no pay, the only people who will pay Taxes under LBJ's Administration would be those who earn above $640.00 a month in income from services rendered towards phpBB Customization or Maintenance to a third-party, or those who run Free-Forum Farms. For the average citizen, this tax-rate will be 3.0% for the next five years, and will rise by 0.2% when Ascraeus is released. - For those who run Free-Forum Farms, you shall pay a hefty 25% Tax on your service-based income. Why? Because we've concluded that these websites produce the largest influx of n00bs to our Society, and should therefore pay their way for our lost time. (We're lookin' at you Limez of Forumer.)
As you know, the people of Bertie Mons are now patiently waiting for the construction of Ascraeus Mons to be completed by the phpBB Empire, but many are fearful that the construction of Ascraeus will suffer from unforseen circumstances that will cause its development to be delayed the way that Olympus Mons' construction was. What is your response?
- Barack O'Bertie: While operating at 350% of their previous productivity, Ascraeus will be out before Christmas.
- Lyndon Bertie Johnson: /Topic LOCKED.
Closing Statement
- Barack O'Bertie: Communism will save us! I will save us! WE, will save us!!!!!!!
- Lyndon Bertie Johnson: I appreciate your time, and am sorry that there were so many technical difficulties during our on-air appearance yesterday afternoon. - And second of all, I'd just like to say thank you to those who have participated to make this contest so much fun, and urge anyone else interested to come and ask not only what LBJ will do once Elected, but what our opponents might do if /they/ were given a shot. So just come and ask questions, and share your ideas. (We love suggestions.) And on November 4th, make your choice. Choose LBJ.
