Since you're reading this, I imagine you've taken some interest in the election of the new president of Bertie Mons (formerly Olympus Mons, for those who have not kept up with the news).
First off, I'd like to welcome you to the headquarters of the Society of Citizens in Obscurity For Four Media Station, otherwise known as SCOFF Media.
I, Jordan, am the founder and Head Manager of SCOFF Media.
Enough pleasantries, let's start scoffing at the candidates.
In the left corner is Sir Bertie Junior, a phpBB2 Bertie Bear who thinks he has the stuffing to win the votes of the majority of all you concerned citizens who are living in obscurity for four years because you either didn't see the contest, didn't want to enter the contest, didn't enter in time, or didn't have a Bertie to enter into the nominations.
Wearing his red sweater that is standard for all phpBB2 Berties, Sir Bertie Junior proudly represents the Anti-Bush party as their official presidential candidate. T50Webmaster is his campaign manager.
In the right corner is Lyndon Bertie Johnson, a candidate running from The BFA House Party. He too believes that he is fit to become a leader, and that his plans for Bertie Mons will be good enough to convince the public that he is the Bertie Bear that should be running things.
Co-managing his campaign is House, directing the campaign, and Semi Deus of the STG staff, who is providing his assistance.
Just before this broadcast, one of our reporters in the field, Al Falfa, received some information from one of SCOFF's scouts, whose name I shall not disclose in order to protect the secrecy of his mission. I shall relay the message that Al Falfa transmitted to SCOFF Headquarters:
Al Falfa wrote:Got some good news for folks who are impatient to see the viewpoints of the presidential candidates.
The campaign managers are still at the drawing board making last-minute plans, so the campaigns for both candidates have not started yet. However, my undercover contact has just sent me short notes that the campaign managers have written about the candidates.
Here's a note from T50Webmaster, Sir Bertie Junior's Campaign Manager, already summarizing a few plans he's making for the campaign.T50Webmaster wrote:For those of you who believe that gas prices are still too high, don't be afraid, part of Sir Bertie Jr. (AKA ?)'s reason for running is to help get gas prices lower in Bertie Mon!
For those of you that want to see the next version of phpBB to come out by the end of the year, don't be afraid, part of Sir Bertie Jr. (AKA ?)'s reason for running i to help get the next version of phpBB going, and get it released to the public by the end of the year!
And here's a somewhat less informative note from House, one of Lyndon Bertie Johnson's Co Campaign Managers.House, aka Dino Bob wrote:The Candidate is Lyndon Bertie Johnson, as a member of The BFA House Party.
The second-tier Candidate is, of course I, Dino Bob of the National Green Party. (Simply for, you know, that 'emotional' guidance during this looOoong process. - Hey, it also makes us a bi-partisan ticket!)
Sorry to say that's all I've got. I've contacted all other reporters and scouts in the field and they say nothing has turned up. So that's all for now.
Reporting from the field, I'm Al Falfa, SCOFF Reporter.
Back to you, Bob.
Well, my name's not Bob, but whatever.
As you can see, SCOFF has turned up very little information about the candidates. But stay tuned, when the campaigns start, SCOFF Headquarters will bring you play-by-play reports. Our agents in the field are working 24/7, so we won't miss a thing.
Be watching for SCOFF Polls and other types of broadcasts from our mobile reporting bases.
That's all for tonight. Head Manager Jordan signing off.