[SCOFF] Headquarters

[House]

[Hank the Cowdog]

Awesomeness, Ricky!

[Handyman]

Hmm, seems the Borg Queen is trying to take over SCOFF, but she will fail.
I have Gonculator

Anyways, good morning everybody.
Let me send things over to Timothy Hay straight away

After a bit of a mixup over the Barack O'Bertie sounding so much like Barack Obama, there were many that were outraged at this and Barack's campaign team is blaming them for losing percentage points in the poles, so this note was added to the Barack O'Bertie campaign

This Bertie is in no way affiliated with the man who goes by the title of "Barack Obama" and will not be held responsible for any claims made that this appearance of the Bertie called "Barack O'Bertie" is slandering his name

Back to you Bob

My Name's not Bob, but oh well.
Let's send it over to Al Falfa for a report.

in the race for the presidency, Harmlessgoat22 was accusing Hank of stealing a propaganda line

Post reserved for propaganda, lies, forgeries, and deceptions.

so to remove all possibility of scandal over that one, Hank has removed the propaganda and it's now been replaced with

Post reserved for lies and deceptions.

and now House is claiming he started the whole propaganda thing days ago

Yer. But I started the whole propaganda thing days ago, anyway

and after all that, Hank is crying over spilt milk because Albertie Einstein is now the only candidate who is NOT endorsed

I'm the only one who's not endorsed.

and shortly thereafter, he was endorsed by Highway of Life

Back to you Bob

Do you guys call everybody Bob?
Anyways, the questions remains, with Hank claiming lies and deceptions, is he really a candidate we can trust?
Barack O'Bertie is promising propaganda and House is running a Secret Campaign Borg System.
So far, Sir Bertie Jr. hasn't said much except for requesting people to help with his campaign.

In other news this morning, with the 2 new contestants entering after the submission deadline, yet being approved, some of the other candidates and supporters of those candidates are calling foul and asking that they be removed from the election and indicted on counts of breaking election laws.
T50 is calling for removing of prize rights if one of those 2 win? obviously he thinks there's a laptop involved and thinks he should be the only one to receive it.

Douglas woke up with a big headache over candidates coming in late and being approved by congress before he could say anything about it, however, against the shouts of removal of the late comers, he has decided to go ahead and allow them to remain in the race.

Also, Douglas has pointed the finger at me for lack of security with SCOFF due to the posts by the Borg Queen who attempted to take over SCOFF.
I would like everybody to know, I have regained control and removed all transmissions by the Borg Queen.

I'm Handyman, reporting live from SCOFF.

~Scoffing at the candidates while you sleep.

[mtotheikle]

Looks like there is a new head chief in town...

[Morning Star]

VERY NICE LOGO, Ricky!

Sorry to hear that Hank has been banished from managing his own SCOFF headquarters. You were doing a fabulous job, Hankie!!!

But Handyman is not skipping a beat... and is handling all the crises and shouts of "foul" quite well.

However, one complaint... that the Queen's posts were removed. I think it is a high tribute to STG security measures that her diabolical influence was so swiftly thwarted. You should have allowed BQ's empty boasts to remain on this thread so all STG members could gloat... good for morale, you know.

Personally, I feel strongly that allowing extra Berties to join the race -- even at the last minute -- has spiced up the entire race. Capitalism thrives on competition. Perhaps we should enjoy the fullest extent of capitalism while we can... it could come to an abrupt end if the socialist/communist candidate, Barack O'Bertie, should ironically rise to power on this capitalist platform.

And finally, in closing... may the best Bertie win. Here's to a peaceful revolution.

[Handyman]

Hey guys. Well, the four candidates running for the presidency have been undergoing some pretty serious changes yesterday. Let's start with the first two.

Still not much to report from Sir Bertie Junior's end. No campaigning whatsoever has been going on yet, however, Sir Bertie Junior's campaign manager has just announced that they will be modifying their campaign strategy. He also announced that Sir Bertie Junior is about to have a photo shoot. So we'll see what happens in the next few days.

Lyndon Bertie Johnson's campaign managers have added quite a bit to their campaign page.

Our Plans for the FUT3R. -> --> --->

As we all well know, the World of phpBB has been very exciting the last couple of years. We've seen the rise of Olympus, and the coming of Ascraeus, and even the downfall of vBulletin along with the mighty Jelsoft Empire Corp. (Ok, not really on that last one, but we're trying. ;;>__>)

Our Administration proposes the following list of items to be amended to our Agenda.. Wait.-Why would we need to propose it if it's our own agenda? Oh well.. It's a famous two-point plan. There'll be more. >:)


1. STOP the n00bs and rickroll the Trolls!
This is.... Probably a taboo subject in our culture, but.. Can we really afford eight more years of this bologna? We believe that there are measures that can be taken today, to save us from the dragons of tomorrow.

1. Erect a Bridge at the Registration Page on phpBB.com.

2. Arm the Mod/Support Teams with semi-automatic Bansticks? and Spring-loaded canned responses.

3. For extra re-assurance, enable an antiTroll forcefield capable of over-powering the best Onion Routing networks known to Geek, in order to safely lock these people all away to the Undernet and GaiaOnline for at least the next 50 years (at which time, we hope that phpBB4 will have reached Beta quality).
2. Purchase Build-A-Bear Workshop and devote their massive chain of resources to creating your fav' little Bear.. How will this help? Just wait 'till the Revolution, you'll see. ; )
1. When we amass an army of Ten to Twenty-five thousand, we will invade MySpace under the username "The Bertie Collective". Each Bear will work tirelessly day and night making friends (and attacking those who refuse). By the third week out, we will have accumulated more Friends than Tom.. Who turns out, actually to be SHS'. O:
2. Once this has occurred, we will no-doubt be interviewed by FOX News. Feel free to use your imagination on this one.

They sure did put a lot on their agenda today. But will it be enough for Lyndon Bertie Johnson to win this election? I guess we'll find out soon.

I'm Al Falfa, reporting live from the field.
Back to you Bob

Thanks for the report Bob? er? Fal? er? Al.
Jeez, you got me all messed up now

Looks like they're finally stepping up their game, trying to win this thing with only 1 day left before the debates.
Leads send it over to Tim for a report? Tim?

Hey Handy,

Barack O'Bertie is still promoting his communism plan as hard as he can. His campaign manager, harmlessgoat22, has added:

Barack O'Bertie: Taxes We Can Believe In
No longer will you have to think for yourself, or make all those hard choices. Let Barack O'Bertie think and make all your decisions for you! And all you have to do is pay for it!!! Barack O'Bertie wants to RAISE taxes on Mars. A wise man once said "Money is the root of all evil". Therefore, Barack O'Bertie is HELPING you be rid of your evil!!! CHANGE! CHANGE FOR MARS! CHANGE FOR THE WORLD!!!!!

Along with two new images to support communism.

Albertie Einstein's efforts seem to be concentrated on 'Smartie Hypnotizing'. He has promised that, if he is elected, he will pass out free tubes of Smarties. It seems several citizens have fallen under the control of the Smartie Hypnotizing already, including House, one of Lyndon Bertie Johnson's campaign managers, and Manager Mike of the SCOFF team.

Smarties~ @__@;


*snaps out of it*

I want those smarties, must get smarties ...

Reporting live from the field,
I'm Timothy hay
SCOFF News
Back to you Bob

I'm not Bob
oh well, thanks for the report.

I wonder with all the lies and deceptions by the Einstein administration, I wonder if he would deliver on the smartie promise? because I want some

It appears that there have been several new supporters, one who just joined yesterday and now supports LBJ? We don't suspect foul play at this time, but we'll keep our eyes on everybody involved and will be scoffing when there's something to report.

I'm Handyman with SCOFF News, have a great morning.

[House]

Great work Bob/erhm.. Handyland.. I mean Francis.

It appears that there have been several new supporters, one who just joined yesterday and now supports LBJ? We don't suspect foul play at this time, but we'll keep our eyes on everybody involved and will be scoffing when there's something to report.

Her name is Jazlean and there is no foul play.. Gosh, every time you people notice I have friends you think it must be a hoax.

Well, back to you.

[Handyman]

Good Evening,

I'm Handyman and this is your nightly SCOFF news report.

With about 9 hours to go before the presidential debate, all the candidates have their campaigns in full swing trying to win the votes of STG.
As promised, Sir Bertie Jr. had a photo-shoot today and the new pictures are in.
For a report on the photo-shoot, we'll send it over to Al.

Al?

It's only 8.5 hours till the big debate and the photos are in.
These photos, as far as we can tell are 100% authentic.
One picture contains Sir Bertie Jr. making a call to his campaign manager before the photo shoot? no doubt getting everything planned for tomorrow morning.
All the other pictures show Sir Bertie Jr. building something? what? we're not really sure.
At this time there's no word on what Sir Bertie Jr. was building and his campaign manager was not available for questioning.

Lyndon Bertie Johnson is also getting a slight change in direction with the advertisement of free *Candy* instead of the normal *Cookies* routine.
There appears to be a catch with the ad? the fine print states

FREE CANDY applies with every 1-year or longer subscription to the DARK-SIDE.

Lyndon has allegedly received an endorsement from the Bertles.

Lyndon is also now pulling up records of his time in the STUFFED-CORPS and even claimed to have died

His cape broke and he fell hundreds of centimeters to the ground; dead in the center of the Communist Domo kun's rally

and he even claims to have converted multitudes from VBulliten to phpBB.

We'll keep you updated on the latest news as it unfolds.

Reporting live from the field,
I'm Al Falfa
SCOFF News.

Back to you Bob

My name's not Bob, but thank you for your report.

With all the candidates working hard trying to earn votes and prepare for the debate, in some places, things got a bit heated and campaign managers crossed campaign lines in certain places to promote themselves or attack the other candidates.
At one point, Douglas had to step in and clean up a message aimed at Lyndon Bertie Johnson and even threatened the Einstein campaign saying:

While I'll let it go if the campaigns go a little bit negative, making senseless threats in someone else's campaign topic is absolutely not allowed and goes against the rules. Consider this a warning; once more and you will be disqualified from the ballot

I spoke with the campaign manager for Albertie Einstein afterwords, this is what he had to say:

All I said was: "the fence you're sitting on won't be worth the paper it's printed on."

We are unable to verify the statement as it was retracted by the Secretary of State himself.


Barack O'Bertie has made some photos of his own, only these pictures are not of himself.
Timothy Hay has more on the story.

Timothy?

With Barack O'Bertie trying everything he can to convince people not to think, I'm not really sure what to think.

His campaign posted photos online laying out exactly how communism would work: viewtopic.php?p=88494#p88494

He has also posted signs such as "no free thought" and "Wellfare, because some people just don't feel like working."

The Barack campaign is also making ads that make LBJ out to be worse than Bush: "Support Bush's Self Esteem, Elect an even worse president, VOTE LBJ!!!"

With the increased advertising spending by the O'Bertie campaign, it has some candidates who can't keep up, worried.


Albertie Einstein's campaign has also increased their advertising budget with some new ads attacking Lyndon Bertie Johnson and his cookie advertisements.

Who needs LBJ's Moldy Cookies?
Vote for smarties for 4 years! Albertie Einstein, the Smartie President

and also an advertisement going after Barack O'Bertie

Barack O'Bertie, Don't NOT think, Think Smarties, Albertie Einstein

it appears they used a double negative in their negative ad.
They also brought in an entire box of smarties just to show how serious they are about this whole smarties deal? sounds tasty

Reporting live from the field, I'm timothy Hay.
SCOFF News.

Back to you Bob

Thank you both for your report, that is all the time we have for now.
Be sure to tune in tomorrow morning as we cover the debate live on phpBBWeekly and we'll give you a post debate recap.

I'm Handyman,
for all of us here at SCOFF News: Goodnight.

[webmacster87]

I spoke with the campaign manager for Albertie Einstein afterwords, this is what he had to say:

All I said was: "the fence you're sitting on won't be worth the paper it's printed on."

Just to comment, what Hank told you is only the second half of the post he wrote. While he definitely meant what he said with sarcasm, I still felt that his full comment was inappropriate in the context he posted it in, which is why I pulled it.

I know that some negative campaigning has been going on, and I'm willing to let it go, so long as you keep it in your own campaign topic. Sound good?

[Jazlean Jaymii]

Great work Bob/erhm.. Handyland.. I mean Francis.

It appears that there have been several new supporters, one who just joined yesterday and now supports LBJ? We don't suspect foul play at this time, but we'll keep our eyes on everybody involved and will be scoffing when there's something to report.

Her name is Jazlean and there is no foul play.. Gosh, every time you people notice I have friends you think it must be a hoax.

Well, back to you.

hehehehe *pinches self* Yes I exist. Sean called for international support and I am here to represent Australia... or insane people? either way I am defiantly no hoax ^^

Keep up the good campaigns and reports!