Greetings, fellow members of the Star Trek Guide Empire. I am sure that I need no introduction. I understand that I am speaking on behalf of the wrong science fiction movie, but nevertheless, the Force has called on me to deliver this important message.
You have apparently noticed the brief appearance today of the Turbolift to Deck 15. Unfortunately, the Turbolift has been suffering from technical malfunctions due to a Class 100 Nebula that has shattered the Turbolift into numerous pieces that have spread across the internet. An evil lord thought to be associated with the Jelsoft Empire is now trying to gather the pieces so that he may reconstruct the Turbolift, gain security clearances into Deck 15, and use his newfound access to force the phpBB Weekly holocast off of the internet and enslave all administrators of the phpBB system under the brutal rule of vBulletin. One piece of the Turbolift has already been found and has been attached to this audio message.
Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to collect the pieces of the Deck 15 Turbolift by following the homing beacons emitted by each piece and then utilize the assorted pieces to complete the coordinates of the central location in which you may assemble the Turbolift and gain access to the Deck, thus securing it from the lords of Jelsoft.
Good luck, and may the Force be with you.
Local Bantha and Vulcan spies have confirmed that the portal to the Deck resides somewhere within the StarTrekGuide.com system, but have been unable to pinpoint the precise location. Perhaps, on your mission, you will uncover some clues that will lead you in the right direction...